Turning things around by myself for myself

This morning, I was feeling emotionally unstable. Since the time change, E and I have struggled to synced up in any way; I’m waking up as he’s falling asleep and I’m asleep before he gets back. It’s been sucky. The baby has decided that my lower back and tailbone area are the snuggle spots which is extremely uncomfortable. I haven’t been sleeping well because of those two things and a job I interviewed for a week ago begun training today so that’s how I found out I didn’t get it. Lastly, the friend I had plans with today forgot to tell me she didn’t need me for anymore and I found out after she was already out and about. All of this together just made for a bad mental health morning. No seriously, I cried twice in an hour.

I decided to job search. I didn’t know this was only going to make me feel worse. The only jobs available were ones I wasn’t even remotely interested in or ones I was very unqualified for. And so, the negative ramblings of my mind began. “You’re not good enough.” “You’re unqualified for everything you want.” “You don’t know anything about anything.” Blah blah blah.

I sulked for a bit then said fuck it. I’m going to do something. I reached out to E’s Battalion’s FRO (family readiness officer) about being pregnant, a recent college graduate, and in need of a job or at least a volunteer opportunity. He responded in two hours with a job offer, volunteer opportunities, several resources to help tailor my resume, and for career counselling, and was so encouraging.

I went out to base to grab dog food and found the thrift store there is in need of volunteers. Yes. They weren’t opened today, so I’m going tomorrow. Then I found the NMCRS (navy marine corps relief society) and asked about baby/pregnancy classes that are offered for free. I ended up with a handful of pamphlets, a business card to a nurse if I have any questions, and I signed up for a budget for baby class.

After all this, I went to hang out with a friend, not wanting to be home alone. I complained about my back pain and how I can’t ever get comfortable. She recommended prenatal yoga. Exasperated, I told her I have already looked and there aren’t any offered in our area. She suggested this specific yoga studio she had heard good reviews about. So, uncharacteristically, I called (I HATE calling strangers). I ended up chatting with the instructor for over 20 minutes. She offers a military discount, a referral discount, will do private classes for no additional charge, is a USMC wife herself, a mother, and very passionate about the yogi way as well. I scheduled my first class for tomorrow afternoon and I can’t wait. She’s going to personalize a flow based on what I specifically need because she doesn’t offer a prenatal class.

Today, I started with a very negative, down-and-out attitude, but decided that wasn’t ok or helpful. Being off antidepressants has its challenges, like today I wanted to curl up, watch movies, and cry alone, but instead I was productive, positive, and made a few plans. It wasn’t easy convincing myself this was the better option, but I’m glad I was able to as it was much better for me in the long run.

“Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” -Marandangel


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